One of the biggest problems we face in our ongoing search of self-discovery and truth is the outside influence exerted by others and our own downfall in trying to be all things to all people. I know I have personally struggled with this challenge. As a recovering “pleaser” I now give myself permission to just say the truth although it might not always be what others want to hear or win over others who want their own way.
Beware of manipulative people
Let me share an example of how I gave away my own power by trying to please others. For many years, I used to shut my office down for two weeks for the Christmas Holiday through New Year’s Day. As a speaker and coach, this was the slowest time of the year and I sincerely needed a break from the insane speaker schedule I maintain. Last year I had an employee who had been informed eight months before Christmas (when we hired her) that our office was going to be closed. About a month out from the holiday shut down, this person came to me and said that if she did not get to work during this Christmas closure her kids would not be able to have Christmas gifts. Needless to say, this put me in a difficult and stressful position. What would you do? In the end, I sacrificed my own well being and sanity and gave in and let her work. I also gave her a cash bonus although she really did not deserve or earn it. She caused a great deal of emotional conflict in the office on a regular basis.
Giving in to her emotional blackmail meant I did not get the recovery time I needed at the end of a very hard year. I allowed myself to be manipulated and I personally took a big physical hit for my decision. As it turned out, I found out that she had lied to me—she was really trying to save money to go on a ski trip! I found out later that her parents, who were quite wealthy, always bought her kids their big Christmas gifts.
There is an old saying that the truth will set you free, Needless to say, when all this truth came to light, it set me free. I discontinued her position quickly and we reorganized in a more effective and beneficial way for everyone in the company.
Her true colors really revealed themselves. I will sadly admit that there had been a number of red flags that I had ignored due to my hectic traveling schedule. I was blind to the fact that she was an insincere person who cared little for me, my business or the other employees.
Releasing her was the greatest wakeup call for me! I realized the importance of taking care of myself first – not only at my office but also with coaching clients, speaking clients, and all other aspects of my business and personal life. This lesson, although difficult was a blessing. It became clear that it was time for me to focus on me – to pay attention to my own needs. I am doing this now. YOU SHOULD TOO!
I share this with you today because I am sure that everyone has a similar story somewhere. Think about it – what happened, how you were used or manipulated. You are the only one that can give away your point of power. Don’t.
Love and light to you